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18 Feb 2008 09:01 pm

Rhetoric

[Patrick Appel] The Onion has a very helpful glossary of commonly used political terms. Some of my favorites:

ballot-
An object recording a voter's decision that is frequently counted toward an election's outcome

debate-
A contest to see which candidate can answer the fewest questions.

electoral college-
A process by which the number of states in the Union is narrowed down to the most important seven or eight.

experience-
A quantitative score any politician may increase by slaying foes or solving riddles.

hope-
An intangible object within every American that is destroyed every four years in November.

platform-
A list of the subjects that candidates are willing to discuss.

Rock The Vote-
Something that is, apparently, still happening.

The glossary reminds of me of The Devil's Dictionary by Abrose Bierce which was first published in the 1880s. A few examples of definitons from the book:

Alliance, n. In international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply in each other's pockets that they cannot seperately plunder a third.

Alone, adj. In bad company.

Future n. That period of time in which our affairs prosper, our friends are true and our happiness is assured.

You get the idea.

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