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28 Aug 2008 12:43 pm

In The Name Of Journalism

Dave Barry attempts a historic feat - getting across the convention floor:

7:48 -- Through intense effort I manage to surge maybe eight feet, where the path is blocked by a TV network that has set up a platform on the floor so its reporters can report on the convention by talking to each other with their backs to the actual convention. There is huge excitement in the surge as people catch glimpses of both Anderson Cooper and Wolf Blitzer, who are, in this environment, the Beatles. The surgers all stop, whip out cellphones, and take pictures of the backs of the heads of people who are taking pictures of the backs of the heads of people who might actually be getting direct visual shots of Anderson and Wolf. It is a lifetime convention memory.

7:53 -- I keep fighting my way forward. As I squeeze past a group of men in suits, I have strong and direct buttular contact, lasting a good seven seconds, with New York Sen. Chuck Schumer. At least it was good for me.

7:58 -- I finally reach my destination: the Florida delegates. I was concerned that they might get confused and wind up in, say, New Orleans, but there they were, and as a Floridian I am proud to report that they were wearing pink flamingo sunglasses that expressed the clear message: "Hey, we're dorks!"

8:02 -- After trying without success to score a pair of dork sunglasses, I realize I have only eight minutes to return my floor pass. Desperately fighting my way back, I find my path blocked by a mass of people taking pictures of the backs of the heads of people trying to take pictures of Spike Lee. He's trying to take a picture of the podium, but it looks like he's mainly getting the backs of heads.

8:04 -- The convention floor erupts as the big TV screen shows ... OHMIGOD ... JOE BIDEN! He's HERE!

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